Poem: The Fallen

Paradise within reach
Eternal happiness in our hands
Tricked and fooled by another
Slipped thru our fingers like sand

Wide eyed children playing
Curiosity designed in our make
Not understanding the forbidden
The word “NO” we would not take

We had to know
We had to understand why
Couldn’t leave it alone
Tempted fate, had to try

The serpent beckoned
This garden is your own
Why must you stay away?
Why haven’t you been shown?

What knowledge is kept from you?
What is HE trying to hide?
Pull down a piece
That’s it, give it a try

In this paradise
This tree you cannot touch
Never eat from its fruit
Never do such

That was the law
Passed down on to us
But we didn’t obey
And we lost so much

The fruit in our hand
The serpent in our ear
The law that was spoken
We could not hear

Go on take a bite
The serpent began to hiss
You are in his image
Surely you deserve this

At that moment
Our heads full of lies
We couldn’t resist
We had to take that bite

The bittersweet juices of the fruit
They opened up our eyes
Things gone unnoticed
We now realized

We were naked
We were ashamed
We hid from HIM
Fear in us reigned

HE called out to us
Asked why we were hiding
At that moment HE knew
There was no denying

We had broken HIS one law
We had betrayed HIS trust
HE was filled with anger,
Sadness and disgust

At that moment
The punishment came
We were banished
To never come back again

We, ejected from paradise
The serpent, forced to crawl
We were ultimately responsible
For it all

We… The Fallen

Poem: Shadows

The shadows lurking in the corners
Forever following me
Always there, always a step behind
Ready for my fall, to take hold

I ignore them but know they're there
From the corner of my eyes
I keep watch, making sure
They don't over take me

Fought them for so long
Finally broke free
But I must stay on guard
Not to slip back into their embrace

Days were dark, nights were darker
They covered me but never kept me warm
Embraced me but I never felt close
Surrounded me but never felt secure

Must keep a step ahead
Must keep a watchful eye
Never let them keep pace
I must keep them at bay

Poem: Grey

Another year, more time gone
Another chapter filed away
I grow older, I see it in my face
I feel it in my bones

But I don't "feel" older
Memories from the past
Seem like yesterday
I still see them, vivid in my mind

I can recall, knowing I can't go back
Excitement, the joy, the pain
The wonder of new things
Where has the joy gone?

Nothing excites me
Joy is a rare thing
I'm indifferent to the pain
I have become numb

Is it because I'm older & cynical
And no longer young & hopeful
Has time jaded me, made me uncaring
Or just make me realize that at some point the wonder stops

Poem: Hide For Now

Another dream
Another nightmare
The wandering, the searching
I know he’s here, I know he’s waiting
Looking for his chance

I see a shadow, I hear the footsteps
He’s lurking about, waiting to strike
Sometimes I feel the desire to let him loose
Let him be free, to let him express himself
But...I must refrain, for it could be damaging

The sheer joy I feel when I let him loose
The freedom I have when I let go of control
But sometimes, he’s hard to rein in
The feeling to good he doesn’t want to go back inside

I don’t blame him, I keep him under lock and key
I only let him out when I need his strength
His wild uncaring attitude
His ability to not care for anyone except for himself

When I need him to shield me from harm
When I can’t be as strong as him
I release him, let him protect me
Give me the strength I need

Oh, but to just cut loose once
To let him go unchecked
I long for the day, to release his wild
One day, when the time is right it will happen

Some don’t know how close they have come
Some never realize the true man inside
Waiting to open up on them
Waiting to cut deeply into their psyche

But...I have reined him in just in time
If only they knew
They would leave me the fuck alone
Watch their fucking step, not to cross that line

Poem: Maybe, Maybe Not

Maybe, maybe not
Can never really know what goes on
In your mind, surprise
You didn’t count on me changing the game
Didn’t count on me to try
Expected me to give up
Expected me to quit
But I surprised you
Now you can’t process
The situation
You don’t know what you want
Some days you want me
Some days you don’t
Afraid of what could be
There are no guarantee’s
Yes things could change
But we both have to try
But I wonder if maybe
You want to move on
Feel a new love
To experience the high
That a new love would bring
Maybe you need a rush of endorphins
Romance, the butterflies in your
Stomach, maybe I can’t be that man
But you always knew that was the way
I have always been
Sorry don’t know the answer
To your questions

Poem: Fallen Angels

Weathered wings
Bent halo
Crying to the sky
Wondering where to go

Knowing in your heart
You feel forsaken
Where’s the mercy
The innocence had been taken

Pain haunts our dreams
Darkness clouds our thoughts
Temptation standing in our face
So many choices right and wrong

All of us loved in his eyes
All of us perfect in his mind
One day we will return
To stand by his side

Until that time, we walk
The earth as fallen angels
Trying to go back home
Back to the place we gave up

Poem: Gone

Finally I have worked it
Out of my system
The rush has passed
Calm has settled in
Move on, move out
Step back
Bring myself
To where I want to be
Knowing I'm the one
Who will end up victorious
The Cold and Darkness,
Ah, how I know them so well
They well protect my emotions
Shelter me from the pain
And I shall use them to distance
Myself
Out of touch
Out of time
Invisible, I shall become
Leaving nothing behind
Nothing, nothing at all
No evidence of what was
…Gone

Poem: Walls

You have many walls to
Protect yourself
To hide what truly lies beneath
To use as a fortress

I’m tired, I know longer wish
To play this game
For every wall I knock down you erect another
Do you really want to let someone in or is this a lie

I have no more time for this chase
I have let my walls down and let you see inside
You cannot do the same even after you say you trust me
The fight is no longer in me, I must move on

But I will rebuild my walls
Founded in hurt, built with hate, reinforced with sadness
And painted with anger
No, you shall never pass through these walls again

Never again will you peer into my soul
Never again will you feel the love I have
For I must move on, as painful as it maybe
And my soul must close it’s self to you

I tried, but it takes more than I have to offer
I have nothing left to give, nothing more to fight with
So the walls have come back up
I will never let you pass, try as you might



Many years of pain have made me a master of protecting myself
I will show you what it truly means to have a wall around your soul
Your sword will dull before you pass, you will weaken with every blow

I can live with the pain, can you live with the regret of passing
Passing on the one sure thing you could ever hope for?
Time will tell, but time will still not wear down my walls
Time is something you no longer have, nor me

Poem: Ripped Soul

Again I am alone,
By choice, by fate, by chance?
What is it that I’m looking for?
Something is missing from my life
My soul does not feel complete
Like something is missing

Am I looking for something that was
Taken away from me,
Stolen by a bad childhood?
I can feel the lonely hands of darkness
On my shoulders

When I turn my head it’s all I see
Her cloak envelopes me
Surrounds me within
But yet I enjoy it, I feel at home
The light can no longer blind my eyes

But the darkness is just a bandage
It still cannot stop the pain that I feel
I hate being alone, it frightens me
But at the same time excites me

Maybe it’s time I came out of my shell
Let the true person show through
But who exactly is this person
Do I really know myself?
Do I want too?


What beastly desires will be unleashed?
What have I been holding back all of these years?
Fear? Desire? Lust? Love? Anger?
My soul aches for a cure, but what is the
Fucking cure?

Will I ever find it? Will I carry this tortured soul forever?
Sometimes I feed off the pain. Sometimes it feeds off of me
Will I burn out before the fuel of my soul does,
Or whither away in the cold darkness of my very own soul?

The SoulFire Collection

The preceding poems were from a work of poems entitled SoulFire. I hope you enjoyed them. Peace & be wild!

Poems: DarkTears

My black soul slowly
Crying dark tears
That stains my face
They trickle downward

Have fought for so long
But to no avail
It must be released some way
So the tears come forth

Dark as night
Black as the night sky
Can’t hold back
Welling up in my eyes

Sad but yet
Feels good to release
This pent up frustration
So they flow

Flow like a raging river
Crashing into the rocks
Of the riverbed
Crashing onto my skin

The dark tears fly
Dark water all over
Me and my face
Slowly crying out of my soul

Poem: StandingAloneInARoom

This room was once filled with emotion
Laughter, and happiness use to run aimless

But that is to be no more
For I’m standing alone in a room

No light seems to get in anymore
Just shades of gray, hues of dark

The light seems to have runaway
Along with you

Sadness and depression has
Taken up residence recently

Moving in and pushing out
The happiness and laughter

Standing alone in a room
A room in which we shared

All of our thoughts and dreams
Wants and desires, everything

But that is gone
For I am alone

Standing in this dark
Cold room, alone

I stand alone in a room without you

Poem: FlyFree

The constraints of the world
Shackle the wings of my soul
Reality weighing me down
Stress holding me back
The routine schedule
of every day living
and the normalcy of it all
acting as a cage
But I fly free, above the clouds
above the buildings,
above the people below
Just open my minds eye and
Let the images roll into my mind
Visions of cool waters, and quiet hills
Tranquil places fill my mind
Loosen my soul
Forget the ordinary, dull
world and go where I want to
Be where I want to be
Rip off the shackles, break the
Chains let your wings of freedom
Spread and carry you
Where ever you want to go
When ever you want to go
May the winds be your guide
May no one hold you back

Poem: Outcast

Outcast standing be himself
No one to talk to
No one but himself
People avoid him because he is different
Ideas are new, approach is special
But yet no one takes the time to
See him for what he really is
Teased, harassed, put down
For reasons he cannot understand
Changes racking his body and emotions
Not yet an adult but still a child
Can’t handle the pressure, depression
Sinks in but death is not the answer
Neither is violence
But he craves attention
Wants acceptance, wants to fit in
But he stands in the shadow of
Your ignorance, your blindness
Unwillingness to open up
You never see it coming
The day when he explodes
Then you wonder why you didn’t
Say a simple hello or just stop
The singling out, because you want to
Hide your own flaws and shortcomings
Within the outcast lye’s you
That’s why you will not accept him
For then you would have to accept yourself
For who you are, and you can’t handle that
One does not want to see their true being
Within the outcast

Poem: FrostKiss

Reaching out for something to hold
My fingers burn from your internal cold
Wanting more but only getting less
Going out of my mind at best
My swirling darkness trying to
Penetrate your wall of solid ice
My soulfire glowing around
My skin, to protect me from your freezing touch
Frostbitten by your love, lips start to bleed
My head spins, temperature recedes
Lips begin to crack, feeling the intense cold
Ice in my veins, don’t know how long I can hold
Break down the barrier
Sparks fly as I fight my way
Into your world
Looking for a crack in
Your frigid armor
Beginning to feel the cold
Don’t know how long
I can withstand it
My soulfire growing dim
Fire slowly going out
My skin begins to shout
Must let my darkness become a blade
Slice my way through, my blade grows dull
Rust begins to form, you give me another
Frost filled kiss, it burns my lips
But what lye’s beyond that pillar of ice?
Maybe tundra, maybe some hope
Maybe a dead cold soul waiting to be
Revived by loves fire

Poem: Storm

Swirling inside of me there
Is a dark storm rising to the surface
Clouds moving into my mind
Casting shadows onto my heart
Blocking out the sun
The rain hitting my soul
Drenching my psyche
Washing away the calmness
And exposing the madness
The thunder booms loud within me
Shaking my very foundation
Everything I ever believed in
Washing away within in my storm
The dark clouds swirling, gathering
The sky in my mind becoming increasingly dark
My emotions drowning inside
The flood in my heart
Gasping for air, trying to hold on
But slowly going under
No warning that this affair would
Come to this only a letter
And the storm set in
I was never waiting for the rain to fall
My soul doesn’t have an umbrella
My soul is soaked freezing form the
Cold rain, it stings I can
Hear the thunder rolling in again
Must brace myself
The storm growing stronger
When will it end?

Poem: Threshold

Staring back at what once was
Nothing lye’s there for me
Ahead is everything
What will be?
Where must I go?
Stagnant, I cannot move
Afraid to move forward
And see nothingness behind me
She calls
Just beyond the threshold I see
Her smile, her hands waving to come
Forward
It is the future, she will guide me
Letting me make my choices
Sometimes dropping clues
Or just leading me blindly
Should I cross?
I know I can’t live in the past
But I know the comfort there
Excitement fills my mind
And confusion, I must press on
She calls again her sister time waits
For no one
I must choose
But what will I loose?
I have everything to gain
The riches await me
I must move forward
No matter the pain over
The past

Poem: WaterDeep

Your waters flow over me
They shower me with isolation
I feel secure, I am within in your
WaterDeep

I bathe in the glow of
Your longing
Swim through your
Hot desire
The flow of your WaterDeep
Rush’s onto me, all over me
The sweetness it brings
I have craved this type of
Love for what seems like an
Eternity
Now I have found it
Within your WaterDeep
Is where it resides
I am cleansed, I am anew
A spiritual love, a mental love
It comes all at once
My soul immersed in this
Pool of satisfaction, I gladly
Drown on this full expansion
Of a higher level of fullness
We are complete
We are one
When viewed from
The WaterDeep

Poem: DarkLoveAffair

She’s dancing around me
Afraid to open my eyes
I know she’s there, smiling, laughing
God, she was, is so beautiful
Thought I could get away from her
Her reach, I’m still within it
I thought I could step away, but
She has proven me wrong….again
Darkness, she follows like a thief in the night
Waiting until the right time to introduce
Herself back into my being
Many times I tried to leave her but
She will not take no for an answer
I run, I have found light, but yet
She still finds me
Maybe I should just accept her embrace
It would be so easy
I do long for it…
Then why am I trying to avoid her?
I’m too afraid to face the truth…
That I long for the… her darkness

Poem; SoulFire

The heat coming up through my skin
I can feel it
More than I can stand
My very being consumed by this
Where does it come from?
The intense heat, effecting my mind
Making me see red, red with rage
My essence boiling, anger inside
How long can I hold it in?
Soon I will let the floodgates open
I can see the damage yet too come
The energy builds, the madness
Creeps in
My body on fire
My heart pounding, blood racing
Fighting, trying, but can’t hold back
Have to release it
Or it will consume me
My soul creams for relief
From my SoulFire

The Obsession Collection

The preceding poems were from a collection called Obsession. I hoped you enjoyed them.

Poem: Hallway

Life is a hallway
In which we travel
A hallway that leads
Forward and has many doors

Behind each door is
Something different
That has or will
Happen to you

They are your choices
Some you never open
Some you never want to close
Others are just ignored

Some doors we’re afraid to open
For fear to see what’s behind
To face what it might hold
Change or something new

Others remain closed
For the pain of leaving
Open is just to much
To bear on one’s self

And a rare few are never
Found until to late
Or never at all
The handle is rusty and the hinges worn

But in life we choose most doors
But the actions of others can open
Doors, doors we do, don’t or shouldn’t have opened

Poem: Shadows

Deep within the recesses of the night
Just around the corner
I can see you run away
Trying to blend into the shadows
Trying to catch me off guard

Daring me to give chase
I will not fall, for
Your game is old and tiresome
Run for the shadows
Two can play this game

I can blend just as well
Become the pure essence of shadow
Hide but yet always be seen
Can you see me?
Maybe, maybe not

The shadows wrap around
Us as we prepare for the
Struggle at hand
Cloaking our every move
Covering our very steps

We lock onto each other
Holding on for dear life
Neither will let go
Both of us willing to die
For what we are

One of us will fall
Prey to the other
Within the shadows

Poem: Within

Grasping for reality
Looking for a way out of
The seething darkness
Grab hold

Cool refreshing
Light, my body needs a drink
Must cleanse my affliction
It crashes against my body

Up form the pit I climb
The chill from below
In a state of disarray
Everything feeling numb and real

Suddenly I see a way out
I must take it
Must run
I must believe

I run with all of my might
Darkness lashing its forked tongue
At my soul
Trying to strangle me

Don’t look back or over my shoulder
Realizing that I am one within myself
The power lies in my soul
To break free from the shackles

Poem: Time

Years can pass
Days fly by
Minutes just tick away
But time has a way of healing
Making what was old new again
Opening one’s mind to new
Ideas and concepts
Closing old wounds
Sometimes even making one
Mature and see the
World and past mistakes
In a different light

Time can fuel the longing
In one’s heart and in one’s soul
Making you wait for what you
Really want, what you really need
It wants you to learn what is being taught
Remember what you have done and seen
Try not to repeat
Mistakes made, time to reflect

Dangling a carrot in your face
Knowing you want it
You reach but you must wait
Until the right time
Until it is right for you to
Grab the prize

Time taking your hand and
Leading you
Down its road

Poem: Push

I stand in one place
Looking toward the future
Which way will I step
Where shall I go
I push onward
To see where I will
Go, where I as a person
Will finally grow

Hoping that life will
Let me expand
My presence and
My self conscience
Push it to the next level
Become more aware
But yet equal

Press on, we all must
It’s all we can do
But keeping thoughts
In the back of our minds
About what we would like
To become, or where
We would like to be at

Push for what we want
And what we should be
Never stopping and
Never looking back
Standing our ground
Accepting no less
Than what we deserve
Than what we are worth

Poem: Surrender

I fall to my knees
And bow my head
It’s all one can do when
Faced with such a high power

Open my heart; let my mind
Be free to what you have
To say and what
You have to give my soul

I surrender my life onto
Your wisdom and love
I will follow your word
And give of myself

The wait is over and
No longer will I hide
I will open my eyes
To the truth, your truth

May your love fill my
Heart, comfort my soul
Be my pillow when
I rest my mortal body

Your graces flow over
Like gentle kisses
Like a breeze cleansing
My soul

I surrender to your love
Accepting it with joy
Knowing that it will exist for all eternity

Poem: Crushed

I remember the times we had
The things we shared
The many times we laughed
But that’s over
Trampled my emotions
Stepped on my heart
You crushed my soul

Kicked me aside like
Yesterdays cast off
Crushed my dreams
All hope was taken
Ran away with another
Left me by myself
Here to pick up the pieces

But now I try to crush
The memories of you
And of your life together
Must carry on
Crack them like glass
Throw them like dirt
Erase them from me

Turn hurt into anger
And use it to relieve
Myself of any reminders
Of you and you alone
Crush my feelings
Suppress the heart
Forget all of it

Slowly heal my crushed heart

Poem: Labor

I stare and stare
And slowly the words
Dance in my head

The blank page my canvas
The keyboard my
Paint brush

Traveling from my mind
Down to my fingers
And slowly forming

For days and days
The words will
Dance in my head
Spin around
As I chase them
Trying to catch
Them as they run by

Sometimes it feels like
Giving birth
My mind in labor
The pain
Of pulling out the
Words and phrases

But finally a poem
Is born
Like a child onto the world
I being the proud parent
Showcasing it with its
Siblings, for all to read

Poem: Box

Shackle my feet with chains
Bind my hands with rope
Restrict my access
But my soul is still free
To roam
My will you will never bend
Break my body, rip the flesh
Physical pain is all you can do

Trap me in this box that you have
Made for me and others like me
I’m contained in presence only
My soul and mind will forever
Wander
They shall not be restrained

You fail to understand
I like the darkness
The cold
I can endure, the soul
Powerful
This box shall not imprison me
For it is poorly constructed
With lies and deceit
And bonded by deception

I just open my minds eye
And see past all of it
And it shall become invisible
To me and all who look at your cage

The will of one and many cannot
Be contained, and neither shall mine

Poem: Traveller

The blades of grass
Wet with morning dew
Press against my feet
As I stand

A deep breath and off
To the path
Like a tourist taking in the
Scenes

Finding the dual meaning
In each, saving
Them each in my
Mind for future thought

Wading thru the waters of
Reality
To cross the flowing river
Of life

To reach the other side
To move forward
Traveling to become wiser
To grow within myself

Expanding my self
Conscience
Increasing my knowledge
Of the world around me

Feet are tired and
My body aches
But wonderment of what’s to come fuels me

Poem: Download

Power up
Download
Up link
Log on

Trying to find another soul
In a soulless realm
Binary lover somewhere
In this cyber sea
Just have to find the right code
Afraid to face the real world
But give all way in the digital
Hours and hours on end, the search
Continues
Will the right program come along?
Chat room, becoming more than what
I am, being what I really would like to be
Can the words of a distant conversation
Over the phone line translate into a face?
Sit and sit, night after night, hoping to
Find a life from a lifeless void
The keyboard for my emotions
Words that wrap around me feel
Like friends, that I will never meet
Afraid to enter the real world, so
Out of my control
Cannot press delete
Cannot exit file
Staying in this lifeless void which
Is my life

You’ve got mail

Poem: Obsession

Can feel it
Can touch it
Can taste it
Always on my mind

Desire it
Crave it
Think about it
Only one thought is ever present

I track it down like
I’m on the hunt
Always within my grasp
But yet always out of reach

I must have it
Must own it
I have to be the soul
Possessor of it, the only one

Clouds my mind
Would kill for it
Would die for it
It can only be mine

Happiness comes with it
Peace follows
Obsessive hunger
I must feed the need

Can see it
Can hear it
Can smell it

The Fallen Collection

These poems are from The Fallen collection. I hope you enjoyed. Peace and be wild.

The Fallen Collection

These poems are from The Fallen collection. I hope you enjoyed. Peace and be wild.

Poem: Within/Without

Drifting in the darkness
Swimming thru its blackness
Feeling the cold deep in your bones
The chill runs down your spine

No memory how you arrived
Time seems not to exist
Wondering how long you’ve been here
How did you arrive?

The weight of the world on you
Everything coming at you at once
No motivation, only despair
Self pity

You can’t stop it
You try to fight it
Afraid to ask for help
Afraid to admit to yourself

The feeling of being swallowed whole
Falling down a never ending shaft
No light below, no light above
Don’t know the beginning, can’t find the end

You have become lifeless
Looking for a medication to help
Never looking inside of yourself
Afraid to use the strengths of loved ones

The darkness slowly closing in
You swing but it only gets thicker
You can get out, you must look in yourself
You have the key to unlock this nightmare

Poem: Ode to a Paper Hero

My books are covered in dust
His sword has begun to rust
My dice have been stored away
His armor waiting for another day

He sits a upon his throne
I spend nights at home
Both looking for the next escapade
Me using my pencil, he using his blade

A roll of the dice would control his fate
My wrong decision would be something he couldn’t escape
Danger around every corner, death at every turn
With each adventure, something new I would learn

To some it would just be a piece of paper
Full of numbers and stats
To me it was a release,
A way to forget where I was at

He allowed my mind to travel
If only within my imagination
Different worlds, unique people
Vast kingdoms, fantastic nations

Together we battled Giants
Brought down evil empires
Fought mythical Gods
Survived the Dragons burning fire

We stood against the Elementals in their temple
Endured the dangers of White Plume Mountain
Traveled countless Planes of existence
Along the way we met many foes and made many friends

So in honor, I raise a glass to you
As you raise a chalice to me
Ode to a paper hero
Who helped set my mind free

One day we shall ride again
We patiently await that day
My pencil will be sharpened
As will be the edges of your blade

Poem: The Fallen

Paradise within reach
Eternal happiness in our hands
Tricked and fooled by another
Slipped thru our fingers like sand

Wide eyed children playing
Curiosity designed in our make
Not understanding the forbidden
The word “NO” we would not take

We had to know
We had to understand why
Couldn’t leave it alone
Tempted fate, had to try

The serpent beckoned
This garden is your own
Why must you stay away?
Why haven’t you been shown?

What knowledge is kept from you?
What is HE trying to hide?
Pull down a piece
That’s it give it a try

In this paradise
This tree you cannot touch
Never eat from its fruit
Never do such


That was the law
Passed down on to us
But we didn’t obey
And we lost so much

The fruit in our hand
The serpent in our ear
The law that was spoken
We could not hear

Go on take a bite
The serpent began to hiss
You are in his image
Surely you deserve this

At that moment
Our heads full of lies
We couldn’t resist
We had to take that bite

The bittersweet juices of the fruit
They opened up our eyes
Things gone unnoticed
We now realized

We were naked
We were ashamed
We hid from HIM
Fear in us reigned

HE called out to us
Asked why we were hiding
At that moment HE knew
There was no denying

We had broken HIS one law
We had betrayed HIS trust
HE was filled with anger,
Sadness and disgust

At that moment
The punishment came
We were banished
To never come back again

We, ejected from paradise
The serpent, forced to crawl
We were ultimately responsible
For it all

We… The Fallen

Poem: Waiting to Receive Me

Wanting, waiting
Standing at the edge
I can feel the rush
The flow within me
Boiling over, wanting to explode

The flames of night
Wash over me
Cleansing my soul
Making me pure
The blissful pain

I let loose
The current flows from me
The internal waters
Quenching the flames
I am clean again

Soul bathed
My mind free
Darkness comes to dry me
The soft touch
I am reborn

Like a child
I run to it
The night is there
Open armsWaiting to receive me

Poem: Thinking of You

So inviting,
Laying there, waiting for me
Wanting me to,
To take you
Ultimate
Act of giving yourself
I gladly accept
For I love and lust
After what you have
For me
Your softness,
Your scent,
Your beauty
All drive me crazy
I love it when
You let me take you
My most favorite pleasure,
My private joy
A smile comes across my face
As I scan your wanting
Body and feel my boiling lust
The explosion
As we become oneThe sheer beauty

Poem: My Dear Lover

I can feel it,
the darkness flows,
deep within my veins

The anger is there,
a raging storm,
I can feel its glorious rain

I know of pain
I know of darkness
I have slept with her

Darkness, my dear lover

The loathing, hatred,
held in check,
bottled up, contained

The very thought,
turns my insides,
the shadows come again

I know of rejection
I know of hate
I have danced with her

Darkness, my dear partner

Thoughts running wild,
visions dance before me,my dark half is to blame

The Edge Collection

These poems are from a collection of poems I entitled edge. I hope you enjoyed them.

Poem: Broken

You hold my heart in your hand
You have broken down the barriers
That which lead to my soul
You have won me

Time spent was well worth it
For your love is truly grand
Joyful that the walls
Have fallen, and my inner being exposed

My soul stands naked to you
But your love will clothe me
And keep me secure
As we kick past the rubble

Dust is all that remains of
The walls that were once there
The walls people place around themselves
The barriers we need to survive

But at one time we must
Allow these walls to be broken
For another to get close
So we can love, and become a higher soul

Just as I have threw down my
Barriers, so must you
So I can see your naked soul
And offer it the warmth of commitment

And may we build a new wall
Which contains our love

Poem: Anger

Anger, building slowly becoming
Hatred, raging inside me
Angry at the world, angry at
My place in life
Angry at God for letting things
Get this way
Anger because of the confusion
That plagues me and clouds
My mind
But yet the anger
Is part of the fog
Part of the reason I can’t see
If I could clear the anger
Maybe I could see
Past the confusion and
Stop it
Use the anger in me to
Solve the problems, focus it,
Channel it, use it as
A source of energy
Instead of letting it
Drag me down
Turn it outward,
Instead of inward
In a positive way
Transform anger
Into clear
Thought and
Decisions, to
Clear a path forward and
Walk past the confusion
And bewilderment

Poem: Dance

Many times I have danced this dance
With you
Too many times I have let you lead
Danced until I was exhausted and spent
Falling to the floor

Feet would have calluses and my legs
Would be numb
But you would go on and on, even
After I begged you to stop
You would just laugh

But now I have learned your routine
And know every step you make
I can feel my way around
I slowly step on your feet
Take the lead is what I have done

Things will go my way and
You shall twirl for me
No longer will I bow to your wishes
Life will now bend to my will
The floor is mine

Follow if you can
Don’t care if your legs are in pain
I must return the favor
Oops, forgot to tell you about the dip
Now time shall bend to me

Spin baby, spin around the floor
For the lead is mine and mine alone

Poem: Lighthouse

The winds blowing hard
Pressing against my ship
The rains coming down
Like bullets from the sky
I try

Try to steady my ship
The waters over taking it
I fight to stay afloat
Can’t see before me
I’m blind

The storm trying to
Overcome my will to
Survive, rocking me
Back and forth like a toy
Holding on

But off in the distance
I see something
A faint light, a far off light
I may be saved
The boat begins to sink

I garb a life jacket
And dive into the icy waters
The rain stings me
But I swim toward the light
I see a shoreline

I swim for what feels like an eternity
And finally see a grand light house
Calling me home, guiding me to safety, to a warm haven

Poem: Void

Bridges burnt, I can never
Turn back; don’t really want to cross
Sometimes I look back, a tear falls
Sadness comes, if just for a short time
Then the reality of what happened comes

Memories I will carry
Some good, some bad
My younger year’s flashes
The hurt returns
The void is ever present

To have to close off a part
Of one’s world is sometimes
Difficult but necessary to
Make it easier to deal with
Being hurt by ones you trusted

Things you want to say but
You know they will only be
Heard by deaf ears
Actions never seen by
Blind eyes

A void in my life in
Which I created out of
Necessity to dull the senses
Something I did not want
It’s not as easy as it seems

To have a piece of ones
World ripped apart and
Turned to a lifeless and uncaring
Drama is too much for a child
Too much for anyone

Feels like removing a cancerous
Tumor that’s connected to the heart
All emotions ripped and hate
Remains and emptiness follows
Having a void in ones life


A void that will never be filled
I will never return
Will not grant forgiveness
Try to fill it with my own
Keep the void as a reminder

Of what once was and
No longer is
A cold void, like the coldness
I feel for them
That part has died, with the memories

Poem: Flesh

The beast has locked onto me
I can hear it breathing down my neck
Its’ footsteps are right behind me
Will it ever get off my back?

It pursues me always, never lets me alone
Everywhere I turn it is there
Looking me in the face
Waiting for me

This addiction I can’t seem to beat
A weight to great for me
It gnaws at my flesh
Eating at my soul

I need another injection
Pierce the flesh and feel the rush
I feel it come over me
The world is spinning

The beast slowly biting into my soul
His teeth are buried deep
Jaws locked, will not release me
The pain hurts, but yet feels good

Slowly dying, withering away
The addiction destroying my flesh
Overriding my soul
The beast will not leave

The beast on my back
The soul too broken to stand
The flesh too soft to fight

Poem: Free

Standing in a dark corner
Night falls upon me
Over taking my soul
Slowly I step forward

I look straight into Her face
Her eyes, endless voids
Where I once sought salvation,
I only see confusion, dark love

Her arms out stretched, She rushes up to me
I turn away, I know your tricks
I know your deception, your false hope
She cannot fool me again

I step into the middle of the floor
Push away from Her
She glides to me, trying to tempt me
I turn and smile, and laugh

She’s stunned, a blank look on Her face
I feel Her fear, Her power is fading
She knows it
I see thru Her, and past Her
She screams, this cannot be, but it is

I leave, walking out of this
Dark realm
She curses me and swears She will
Be back, She will never give up

Of course, I expect nothing less
I say as I leave
She cries and cries while
My soul laughs for it is Free

Poem: Rush

Realities waters rush over me
The tides crash against my body
My mind trying to surf on the waves
Feel the adrenaline rush

I stand and face my existence
As big as a tsunami, coming to a crash
I fight forward trying to break the waves
Being pushed back by the currents

Wishful thinking and dreams serve as my
Boat, persistence plugs the holes
My arms ache, for they are my oars
I’m soaking wet, vision keeps me dry

I’m pulled under, losing air
I fight to the surface, quickly I’m pulled back
Reality swallowing me whole
Rushing into every area of my body

My lungs filled with the thickness of reality
Suffocating me, strangling my dreams
Draining my persistence slowly
Pulling my will away, wanting me to conform

I rush back to the surface
Gasping for air, hoping my dreams will invigorate me
Using my vision as a preserver
To preserve my goals and dreams

I rush to a shore, realities waters follow
But stops when it crashes against the sands of will
The will to question and the will to not accept
The will to rush with ones beliefs and feelings

The will to feel and dream
To rush into life’s joys

Poem: StepAway

Step away,
I don’t need you here
Leave me alone
I don’t want you near

You cannot heal my wounds
Cannot mend my broken soul
Just sink deeper when you’re around
Do not try to lead me down your road

I’m fine by myself
Will work thru this on my own
I know you will try
Leave me easily, you won’t

Take your spinning darkness
And confusion from my presence
The words you speak to me
No longer make any sense

So take you false concern
To someone who will believe
Go away, and I
Shall be forever relieved

You darkness is like a drug
It is an addiction
Stand notice while I give
You your eviction

Step away as
I cast away your night
Step away as I
Throw your promises into the light

Poem:Territory

This is a new place for me
A place I haven’t yet explored
I feel delivered, a new
A feeling I can’t ignore

Uncharted territory
I have entered with my eyes
Open to see all
A new emotion to discover

The winds blow over me
I am caressed with loves gentle kiss
Meeting you has changed life
You have put heaven within a near miss

What a wondrous land
Where love is a bound
Everything is free
No strings are attached

Uncharted territory
With you in hand, I’m ready to discover
What it truly means
To deeply love another

Poem:Prison

Four walls closing in
Trying to strangle me
I pull the handle and it won’t open
The door is locked

Run, I run thru an opening
But the prison chases me
Every where I look its there
Trying to hold me, under lock and key

I look at the first wall
And see the ignorance of man
Not wanting to understand
One another

The second contains racism
Hating a person because of
Skin color
Because of culture

Greed lies in the third
People trying to get
What they can so
That they won’t come up short

The fourth is full of contempt
For those who have and strive
To make their lives better
To make a better world

I run, running from
Myself, running from man
So many are blind
Blind to what is in front of them

The four walls that
Are slowly closing in
On all of us

Not realizing that all four
Walls add up to lies
Lies told every day
To every one

Just a simple change
Would make them come down
Education, love and an
Open mind would change

But we all run into these
Walls sometimes one, other times all
People trying to stop you

Maybe some day the
Walls will come down
Crumbling to our feet
Maybe the prison will fall

Poem: Edge

Before me I see a vast openness
Never have I been
Here before
I feel nervous

I stand on the edge of
Something wonderful
But yet, still I am afraid
To jump right in

There is no net on the bottom to
Catch me if I fail
But there never is when
Love is involved

I step one foot over the edge
To fall to you
Hoping you will catch me
One more step to go

Closing my eyes
Blind trust is what I have
Faith that you will be there
Belief in us

I fall from the edge
I descend down
Into this new arena
Hoping I have not made a mistake

I feel great and
Totally secure knowing
That you will not let me fall

I look up and the edge is
No where in sight
I am closer to you
I can see you face

Your arms are open
Wide to catch me
To pick me up
And give me strength

I have made that final leap
What a feeling
Complete feeling of trust
Of the one you love

Poems

While I'm writing my new poems, I've decided to post some of my older work for your reading pleasure. I jope you enjoy them. Peace and be wild.

Poems

While I'm writing my new poems, I've decided to post some of my older work for your reading pleasure. I jope you enjoy them. Peace and be wild.

Another day of dealing with the public. And boy are they stupid.

Another shot of medication. I can feel the sedation. Slowly drifting away. Maybe another day.

Barrel in my mouth. Can I pull the trigger? Is this what its all about? Could be I figure

Blood mess all on the walls. Brains scattered. Just couldn't handle it all. Does it, do I really matter?

Sometimes I can push it aside. Other times I simple feel like suicide. Bullet in the head. Gun falls, I drop dead.

The sheer stupidity of the general public actually has me frightened. Have we, as a nation becaome this dumb?

How many of us have truly asked yourselves why we do the things we do? Why sometimes we can't stop the habits we have? The self destructive nature we all have

How many of us try to attain things that we have no business stretching our limits to get. Going beyond our means.

Sometimes we need to remove the masks that we wear and expose our true selves.

I count the days

Grey Matter Collection

This completes a series of poems I have collectively titled Grey Matter. I hope you have enjoyed reading them as much as I have had writing them. I am starting a new series entitled Vyctor Rising. I hope you will enjoy those also. Thanks for reading! Peace and be wild!

Poem:Will Not

Will Not

I can hear the silence
Being alone at home
Today is not a good day
This one really seems to hurt
More than the last

Sometimes I just can't keep my mind
Off the things I lost
No contact, no touch, no attention
No conversation, silence
Sometimes wanna cry

Put on the strong face
Keep it inside
Hide from view of others
But the pain is still there
God it hurts

To go to absolutely nothing
Is like going cold turkey
A total loss of stimulation
All alone, by myself
Sometimes it gets rough

Empty house, empty heart
I'm hurt and it will take
Someone brave to deal with me
Trust will not be given freely
I know I'm damaged goods

I wanna give all that I am
But respected and loved
There's no way I'll play the fool
I stand as me nothing more or less
I will not change for anyone

Poem:Void

Void

I open my eyes
Another day alone
Another day to wander
Walk these streets

I feel the presence
I feel it deep inside
I fight it, but I can't smile
Its coming, the dark

The absence of love
The beginning of it all
The end of us
I will not fall

I'll stumble
There will be dark days
But there's tomorrow
Maybe it'll be better

Alone again
Like I always am
Searching within myself
Wondering who can fill the void

Poem:Dark Clouds

Dark Clouds

I feel the rain hit against my soul
Drenched, it stands alone
I try to escape the dark clouds
That follow and cover me

Every time this happens
The clouds they come
Within me the storm rages
I cannot sway, the winds blow

The dark clouds tumbling
Within my soul
I can't hide from them
They are within me, can't run

The clouds swirl in my mind
My soul gets swept in the pain
Like a hurricane thru my heart
Blowing me to pieces

Poem:Sea of Questions

Sea of Questions

Looking for answers
In a sea of questions
When I do find one
It always seems to be wrong

Sometimes an answer
Leads to another question
A question unto which
I must search for the answer

Hope keeps me a float
As I try to guide these waters
But the voyage is rough
And the water is deep

But I must find the answers
Hidden within the questions
I fish for the knowledge
That helps heal my soul

Must make sure to
Not let any slip thru my hands
Explore them all
Find the best for me

Poem:Qualities

Qualities

I'm not looking for one nite stands
That's never been my style
I need more than that
I need substance

I have to feel something
I have to enjoy the others company
I want to know them
I want a connection

Good conversation
Independence, and self confidence
These I find attractive
Stimulating, speaks her mind

A woman who knows herself
And is comfortable with her being
I love myself so she must love herself
She must be able to laugh at herself
As I laugh at me

But she must have my back
As I must have hers
And be willing to correct me
When I'm wrong, Lord knows

But overall she must
Accept me for who I am
And take me as I am
I will not try to change her
And she will not try to change me

Poem:Just Leave Me Be

Just Leave Me Be

So I ask myself why
What the fuck crossed your mind?
Did you think I wouldn't know?
Too many clues left behind

Did you think of me
When he was deep inside?
When he was tagging that ass
Did I cross your mind?

There's no fucking way
I don't need you in my life
Quit calling, quit texting
Soon you will not be my wife

It pains me to go
But I need to be alone
I'm ready, your not
But I have moved on

Just a matter of time
Sign the dotted line
We release each other
No longer see one another

Maybe find someone
Who loves "me"
Doesn't want to make changes
Just leave me be

Poem:I am Me

I am Me

I'm alone. By myself
I can feel it closing in
I must do something
Something to distract me

I don't want to bother friends
But I need someone
Someone to accept me
Accept me as I am, the real person

Not try to change me
Leave me as I am
Love me as I am
But I'm a hard person to love

I am difficult at times
But still I have an inner child
I stand my ground
But will listen

I want acceptance
I want to accept
I will not change
Don't expect me too

I am me

Poem:Emotions

Emotions

The void left in my soul
Is your doing, you cut me deep
I have nothing to fill the hole
On the inside I begin to weep

I must hide the pain
Be strong and show a smile
But I feel the rain
To heal it will take awhile

Off I can turn my emotions
But I know they're still there
Soon like the crest of the ocean
They will leave my soul bare

At some point they will come thru
Breaking down the walls
Accept the pain for it is true
If not, at my soul it will surely maul

Maybe I should just breakdown and cry
Let the feelings run wild
The let the anger go and the rage fly
Acknowledge the pain for awhile

Poem:Rested Soul

Rested Soul

Shroud me in darkness
Let me drown within my depression
I drink the loneliness in my cup
It courses thru me

The thoughts I have
Many would not understand
Swirling inside of me
A hurricane within my soul

Feels like 2 people fighting for control
Sometimes I win sometimes I lose
Sometimes I just want to scream
Let the anger out and the depression in

Its in my veins
Its in my heart
Maybe the pills will work
Maybe I'll taste a rested soul

Poem:Temple

Temple

With a gun to my temple
I could pull the trigger
Find the release I want
End it all for good

So tired, my souls tired
Just want peace
But will never find it
Nothing keeps my attention

Bullet ripping thru my hemispheres
Stopping the flow
The life slowly leaks out
The peace would come

Straight thru the temple
Hole in my head
The pressure would go away
Like a balloon deflating

Just one shot
No, make that a double
I can see the release
I escape thru my temple

Nothing like Red Lobster. Mmmm. I love shrimp.

Poem: Day Dream

Day Dream

I wanna be somebody's somebody
I wanna be loved for me
I need mental stimulation
Along with the physical relation

A woman who can stand on her own
But knows I got her back if she falls
Willing to tell me when I'm wrong
But still loves me all along

She needs to have her own thoughts
And willing to give her opinion
But still be my fire
And I her desire

Someone to just chill with
Someone to cook for
Being there when times are rough
Being there when the going gets tough

A woman who can keep me humble
But still respects me as I her
A lady who I can get lost in her eyes
And kiss for hours and never realize

The scent of her skin drives me wild
The notion of my touch makes her smile
I enjoy the smell of her hair
Someone who wants me near

Poem: Heal

Heal

Here I lay in this bed
It seems big without someone
I'm in no rush to fill it
But it makes me feel alone

When I come home
Their's no one to greet me
Just the ticking of the clock
And the silence from that morning

I check my emails
Surf the net
But still I feel the void
I can hear the loss

I don't want to bother
My friends or family
They have their own problems
They don't need to deal with mine

I try to keep myself occupied
Try to find a distraction
But nothing is working right now
Soon I will move on

I lay in bed, thinking
Picturing things in my mind
Trying to work thru this
Trying to piece myself back together

Eventually I'll feel better
Who knows maybe even love again
The pieces will be put back
And the damage repaired

Poem: Detour

Detour

I'm doing it again
I need to catch myself
I've been down this road before
Why do I keep trying to travel it?

I know what lies ahead
I've felt the pain before
But yet again here I go
Its like an addiction

I need to stop
Now’s the time to turn back
Before anything begins to hurt
Before I lose myself

Take a deep breath
Relax and move on
Avoid this road
Take the detour

The sign up ahead
It reminds me of the pain
The pain and heartache
That lay ahead for me

I must turn away
Protect myself
This time I must surely
Avoid this road

I have to force myself
Will myself
To follow another path
If for nothing, than my own sanity
And my heart

Poem: Speculation

Speculation

Can't assume, have to wait
Gotta play it cool
Keep it undercover
Don't wanna be a fool

Don't wanna take a miss step
Don't want to lose a friend
But if I come forward
That's what may happen in the end

I have no clue
Not even a sign
Maybe I'm making this up
Maybe its all in my mind

I walk a dangerous line
Maybe a line I shouldn't cross
But its eating inside of me
Can I take the loss?

I enjoy the conversation
The mental stimulation
I just wonder could it be
Could there be interest in me?

I doubt I'm the type
Probably out of my reach
Maybe I should leave it alone
May not be for me

But isn't it nothing ventured
Nothing gained?
But can I take the loss
Can I handle that pain?

Its tearing me up inside
But I must make the right move
Have to time it right
So much I could lose

But maybe I should just
Put this whole idea away
Keep it the way it is
Let it remain this way

Poem; Scream

Scream

My soul screams at the pain you caused
It shouts with the scar you gave it
The agony it feels
Your the cause

My emotions are fucked
They yell to be free
But must remain in check
I don't think I can handle them

My mind screams
As it is confused
As to what the fuck is going on
It can't make sense of this

My heart is heavy
With the pain it feels
It cries out loudly
Not understanding why

Every part of me feels the void
The emptiness, the screams to be filled
You caused this, you created the hole
I cannot accept you, that hurts too much

The screams of my soul
Everyday and every night I hear them
Over time it will stop, it will heal
But now it just hurts so bad

Poem: Grey Matter

Grey Matter

A bullet in the brain
Would surely stop the pain
The emptiness within me
The loneliness around me

I feel so alone and lost
Bored, nothing entertaining at any cost
Just want to splatter
My grey matter

Maybe someone could read the mess
Take a look and guess
What was on his mind?
Ah yes, suicide

Not looking for sympathy
Just a way to end it quickly
No fire, drowning or pills
Just a gun, a quick kill

Do it in public pull the trigger
Would be cool I figure
Watch people scatter
As I release my grey matter

If only I could
I surely would
Head in tatters
Release my grey matter

Ah the sweet release

Poem: No, Yes, No

No, Yes, No

You ask can I forgive, yes
But I cannot forget
You ask can we repair, no
The damage is too great

You ask is there a chance, no
I'm ready to move on
You ask do I hurt, yes
Every fucking day

Were you looking for something, no
Just something to try
Your sorry, no
Your sorry you got caught

You ask will I touch you, no
The pain is too great
You ask will I love you, yes
Always in the past, not in the future

You ask me why
I ask you why
Neither answer makes the other happy
Not the answer we want to hear, no

Poem: Your Affair

Your Affair

I ask myself why, I don't understand
I know its wrong, so so wrong
But I can't help it, I long for you
Even though you'll never truly be mine

The time we spend together will only
Remind me of that when we're apart
I can't fall into deep, that's not allowed
This is just a fun for both of us

But at some point, one of us will be hurt
And then that will start the fall
The relationship will crumble
One of us wants more, but cant have it

The times will be great but eventually
All things must end. As they must
And we will just be a memory for both
The goal not to leave too damaged

Poem: Side Dish

Side Dish

New, different, not the same
I know that's all I am to you
I am a side dish to the main course
I'm the treat you indulge whenever

I know the rules, I know the score
I'm not a fool, I knew what I got into
I can't blame you, I could say no
But my loneliness tells me otherwise

This is your game, I'm just a player
I'm going along for the ride
But eventually my newness will fade
And this toy will be discarded

Someone will get hurt, probably me
I'm the damaged one, you have stability
Something with you I cannot have
I would never demand it, cant

So I ride, knowing where it goes
To an eventual end and pain
But I can't say no, I have to try
But always being the side dish

Poem: Cover Up

Cover Up

On the outside I appear strong
But there are times when I cry
I'm like anybody else
I hurt, I have emotions

But I have to keep them in check
I have responsibilities
I have obligations to keep
I cannot breakdown

I have to do that when I'm alone
When nobody's around
That's when and only then
I can let my guard down

I do hurt, don't think I don't
I feel it everyday in this lonely house
The walls closing in on me
The silence reminds me I'm alone

I sit there trying to break
This depression I'm in
It will take time, a lot of time
And every now and then I still cry

Poem: Fracture

Fracture

My soul is alone again
Just it and me together
Another fracture in the construct
Another piece to repair

This time it will
Take longer to fix
The fracture is deep
Close to the core

But time and will power
Will help the new foundation
But still my soul will never
Be 100%, never like new

My mind will cope with
The fracture in my psyche
I will trust again
But always keep an open eye

The fracture in my heart
Pains the most
In time I will be able to
Again give it to another

But nothing will happen
Until I close the fractures
The fractures you give me
Your parting gift

I don't hate, but I should
I just want it to end
Want to move on
Me and my fractured soul

Poem: Her Whisper

Her Whisper

I feel the darkness closing in
The loneliness creeping from behind
I hear her whisper, a chill in the air
I feel her fingers touch my mind

She comes when I'm like this
Alone and by myself
I try to fight it
Sometimes there's nothing else

I feel her seeping into my pores
Intoxicating my thoughts and dreams
I've been with her before
Its like I never left, forever it seems

She with her dress as black as night
And her wild hair blowing in the breeze
She wants me to kiss her
As I fight her I fall to me knees

Instead she comes to me
She pulls me close
I try to turn away
But I can't, I can't let go

I cry in her embrace
She slowly fills the hole
I know this is only temporary
Until I fix my soul

I stay within her embrace
I let her comfort me for awhile
To regain my strength
To heal myself

Poem: Empty

Empty

I can feel my heart begin to freeze
I'm so lonely I can't stand it
Too quiet when I come home
I'm slowly going crazy within myself

I need to feel a touch
I need to hear a voice, not just mine
I finally realize I hurt
I hurt so bad, I just need to cry

I hate you more than you know
You ripped me apart inside
I'm torn and worn from you
You are the reason for this pain

I hate this place
Too empty for my soul
I just wanna curl up and cry
But what will it solve

I could take you back
But that would hurt even more
I scream when I'm alone
Which is almost always

Poem:

Amazing how things can change in a blink of an eye. I go from famine to feast. I just hope I'm not spreading myself to thin.

Enjoying the fireworks on the 4th! Happy Independence Day!

Poem: Damaged

Damaged

Everyone has been damaged
Through actions of another
Because of life
Because of a lover

We all have scars
They just can't be seen
Reminders of pain to us
Nightmares to our dreams

We all have baggage
From years of strife
The goal is to not acquire
Too much to carry thru life

We all have done things
We're not proud to tell
And we all have
Numerous regrets as well

We all come damaged
None of us come new
Some just hide it better
On some it shows thru

All of us are used goods
All are second hand merchandise
We get recycled over
We get repackaged and re priced

Before you point too anothers
Look at the damages of your own
You just might find
They're not the only one...

Damaged

Poem: Shadow Walk

Shadow Walk

Shroud myself in darkness
Bring the light away
Heal my wounds
Hide in the corner

Numbing to the pain
Eyes dry from the tears
Fists clenched in anger
Must release it, let it flow

Hide in the shadows
Let them receive me again
Let the black waters cleanse my soul
Close the wounds, stop the pain

My heart becomes black
My emotions close off
My eyes become cold
I store it away, where I store all my pain

Walk in the shadows
The despair washes away
Fills the void, takes hold
Caresses my soul, I smile too the touch

Poem: Free

Free

He's been waiting
Looking for a crack in the wall
You just gave him his release
The beast is unleashed

Time to uncork the bottle
Let this horse run
See what trouble I can cause
See what I truly want

Maybe I should thank you
You made me see things with clarity
The veil has been removed
I feel I can find my path

Another scar, another battle wound
Nothing new in a long line of disappointments
Time to break my shell
Time to raise some hell

Poem: Dream of...

Dream of...

Sedate me, put me under
Stop the dream flow
Wipe my mind blank
Let the nothing rush over me

Start the I.V.
Drugs run to my veins
I succomb
Coarsing thru me

Anything to stop the pain
Distort reality
Just some relief
If only for awhile

Shut my eyes
Still there
Need something to dull
Something to shut it out

Sedate me
Medicate me
Placate me
Inject away the pain

Looking for peace
Real or concocted
Liquid or pill
Bottle or needle

I'm not hard to please
Give it to me
Let the pain flow awayDream of...

Poem: 4:30 in the Morning

4:30 in the Morning

4:30 in the morning
No one to call my own
I keep waking up
Not use to being alone

I look at the clock
Time staring me in the face
I rollover the beds empty
But that wasn't always the case

4:45 in the morning
Another 15 minutes have passed
Things weigh heavy on my mind
I have to handle so many tasks

I have to move forward
Soon cut all ties
Get on with my life
Let this bird fly

5:00 in the morning
I really need to go back to sleep
But its hard sometimes
When my emotions begin to creep

Sadness strikes me
And loneliness swirls around
I just lay there remembering
How everything went down

5:15 in the morning
I really need to stop watching the clock
Close my eyes, go to sleep
But the thoughts won't stop

Questions so many
Answers so few
I need to let it go
But analyzing is all I now how to do

5:30 in the morning
I'm starting to drift into a dream
My eyes are heavy
I can feel the sands of sleep

I'm falling into slumber
As I look at the clock
Its 6:00 in the morning
And the damn thing just went off

Poem: Complicated

Complicated

Here I am
I do not pretend to be
Any other thing
Than a man

I am not perfect
I have my flaws
I admit them
And yes, as a man, I am that simple

I like my "toys" and gadgets
And yes I can act immature
But at the end of the day
I can still be loyal

I admit women are complicated
They're like a puzzle
We try to get the pieces to fit
Sometimes it confuses us

Your emotions sometimes
Shock us as they come so fast
And a women can destroy a mans pride
With words alone

We are intrigued but yet
Still confused
Sometimes it would be easier
To just tell us what you want

At times your sweet
As the sweetest candy
Other times your venom
Stings without warning

But yet we come back
Because of instinct
Because we knowNo other way

Poem: A Dark Room and a Fifth

A Dark Room and a Fifth

A dark room
And a fifth
All I need
To cope with the pain

Let the tears flow
Dull the senses
Slur my thoughts
Pass out and dream again

Scream at the world
Scream at myself
Throw the bottle to the wall
Teary eyes look at the broken glass

Vent my frustrations
Drown the pain
Let the alcohol flow
Stumble on my ass

A dark room
And a fifth
Liquid pain relief
To drown my sorrows

The pain stops
If only for tonight
But I knowI'll pay for it tomorrow

Poem: Living in Oblivion

Living in Oblivion

Numb me up
Stop the pain
Reality hurts
Bring the rain

Drug me, drink it up
I wanna be oblivious
The hole in my soul
Being tough is so frivolous

Medicate me until it stops
I wanna smile while I bleed
Stop the emotions from hurting
I don't want to believe

Infuse me with a prescription
Prescribe away the pain
Join the other cattle
I'll smile as you complain

As my world crumbles
I dance like a fool
The drugs are working
I just sit and drool

Not a care in the world
I'm numb as I cut my skin
Pop another pill
Living in oblivion

FML

Its amazing how lonely one truly gets when they are truly alone. Its like the walls closing in on you.

Friggin computer crashed! What the hell? I soooo love windows! Not!

Another day to go work for the man. I really shouldn't bitch. My boss is cool and the people who work for me are pretty cool. But I do seem to hire strange ones

I need to hear my woman tell me I'm loved and she loves the way I love her. I need her touch, her smile and her love. Unconditionally. As she expects the same.

We all get depressed. We all need someone to tell us, hey it'll get better. We all have a desire to be loved. I don't think its wrong for man to want this.

I know right now I hurt. I haven't hurt like this in a long time. I so need a good woman to help me realize that I don't have to hurt. Give me a safe haven.

It shouldn't make a difference if I want to be tender with a woman, alone when I feel the world is closing in on me. I need comfort and a safe haven.

Does it make me less of a man to want these things? I do hurt so bad, I long for the touch of a woman, a woman who cares for me. I need to feel safe.

Is it wrong for a man to hurt? To long for the comfort of womans touch? Is it wrong to want to be held by a woman and told everything will get better?

The desire is strong. Just have to think this thru.

What if they are willing to share and both know each other? Does that make it better?

Is it wrong to love 2 women and have feelings equally for both? Can we all share and be happy?

So can a person love 2 people equally? Can 2 people share 1 person and all be happy? Hmmmmm

Ask them how their day was. Let them know what they mean to you. Don't be afraid to show a soft side with your lady. But be a man also. They don't want a wuss.

After a hard day of work your lady there to comfort you. But remember guys you have to take care of them also. Show them attention, make them feel special.

Women are so beautiful. I just love women. They way they walk. They way they talk. I love watching their hips move. Nothing like the soft touch from a woman.

Its amazing the things I wanna try. The things that stir my soul. The things that arouse me. I need to follow them to see where they lead.

So another day of exploring my mind. The more I explore the deep I go. Things I repressed coming to the surface. Desires long kept dormant now stirring.

I really need to crash. I have stuff to do tomorrow (today). Alright I'll blog later. Peace and chicken grease.

These pass months have allowed me to really look within myself and find out what I'm about. I realized that some of my desires were not being met.

Its 3:30 in the morning and I'm up and loneliness is still sitting next to me. This bitch has been with me for at least a couple of months. Bitch go away!

the falling part down first. But it is hard when your use to have someone there to catch you when you did. Sometimes things just change.

Today I learned that I have to learn how to fall all over again. There is no one there to catch me. But I guess if I want to learn fly again I should get