Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Poem: Day Dream
Day Dream
I wanna be somebody's somebody
I wanna be loved for me
I need mental stimulation
Along with the physical relation
A woman who can stand on her own
But knows I got her back if she falls
Willing to tell me when I'm wrong
But still loves me all along
She needs to have her own thoughts
And willing to give her opinion
But still be my fire
And I her desire
Someone to just chill with
Someone to cook for
Being there when times are rough
Being there when the going gets tough
A woman who can keep me humble
But still respects me as I her
A lady who I can get lost in her eyes
And kiss for hours and never realize
The scent of her skin drives me wild
The notion of my touch makes her smile
I enjoy the smell of her hair
Someone who wants me near
I wanna be somebody's somebody
I wanna be loved for me
I need mental stimulation
Along with the physical relation
A woman who can stand on her own
But knows I got her back if she falls
Willing to tell me when I'm wrong
But still loves me all along
She needs to have her own thoughts
And willing to give her opinion
But still be my fire
And I her desire
Someone to just chill with
Someone to cook for
Being there when times are rough
Being there when the going gets tough
A woman who can keep me humble
But still respects me as I her
A lady who I can get lost in her eyes
And kiss for hours and never realize
The scent of her skin drives me wild
The notion of my touch makes her smile
I enjoy the smell of her hair
Someone who wants me near
Poem: Heal
Heal
Here I lay in this bed
It seems big without someone
I'm in no rush to fill it
But it makes me feel alone
When I come home
Their's no one to greet me
Just the ticking of the clock
And the silence from that morning
I check my emails
Surf the net
But still I feel the void
I can hear the loss
I don't want to bother
My friends or family
They have their own problems
They don't need to deal with mine
I try to keep myself occupied
Try to find a distraction
But nothing is working right now
Soon I will move on
I lay in bed, thinking
Picturing things in my mind
Trying to work thru this
Trying to piece myself back together
Eventually I'll feel better
Who knows maybe even love again
The pieces will be put back
And the damage repaired
Here I lay in this bed
It seems big without someone
I'm in no rush to fill it
But it makes me feel alone
When I come home
Their's no one to greet me
Just the ticking of the clock
And the silence from that morning
I check my emails
Surf the net
But still I feel the void
I can hear the loss
I don't want to bother
My friends or family
They have their own problems
They don't need to deal with mine
I try to keep myself occupied
Try to find a distraction
But nothing is working right now
Soon I will move on
I lay in bed, thinking
Picturing things in my mind
Trying to work thru this
Trying to piece myself back together
Eventually I'll feel better
Who knows maybe even love again
The pieces will be put back
And the damage repaired
Poem: Detour
Detour
I'm doing it again
I need to catch myself
I've been down this road before
Why do I keep trying to travel it?
I know what lies ahead
I've felt the pain before
But yet again here I go
Its like an addiction
I need to stop
Now’s the time to turn back
Before anything begins to hurt
Before I lose myself
Take a deep breath
Relax and move on
Avoid this road
Take the detour
The sign up ahead
It reminds me of the pain
The pain and heartache
That lay ahead for me
I must turn away
Protect myself
This time I must surely
Avoid this road
I have to force myself
Will myself
To follow another path
If for nothing, than my own sanity
And my heart
I'm doing it again
I need to catch myself
I've been down this road before
Why do I keep trying to travel it?
I know what lies ahead
I've felt the pain before
But yet again here I go
Its like an addiction
I need to stop
Now’s the time to turn back
Before anything begins to hurt
Before I lose myself
Take a deep breath
Relax and move on
Avoid this road
Take the detour
The sign up ahead
It reminds me of the pain
The pain and heartache
That lay ahead for me
I must turn away
Protect myself
This time I must surely
Avoid this road
I have to force myself
Will myself
To follow another path
If for nothing, than my own sanity
And my heart
Poem: Speculation
Speculation
Can't assume, have to wait
Gotta play it cool
Keep it undercover
Don't wanna be a fool
Don't wanna take a miss step
Don't want to lose a friend
But if I come forward
That's what may happen in the end
I have no clue
Not even a sign
Maybe I'm making this up
Maybe its all in my mind
I walk a dangerous line
Maybe a line I shouldn't cross
But its eating inside of me
Can I take the loss?
I enjoy the conversation
The mental stimulation
I just wonder could it be
Could there be interest in me?
I doubt I'm the type
Probably out of my reach
Maybe I should leave it alone
May not be for me
But isn't it nothing ventured
Nothing gained?
But can I take the loss
Can I handle that pain?
Its tearing me up inside
But I must make the right move
Have to time it right
So much I could lose
But maybe I should just
Put this whole idea away
Keep it the way it is
Let it remain this way
Can't assume, have to wait
Gotta play it cool
Keep it undercover
Don't wanna be a fool
Don't wanna take a miss step
Don't want to lose a friend
But if I come forward
That's what may happen in the end
I have no clue
Not even a sign
Maybe I'm making this up
Maybe its all in my mind
I walk a dangerous line
Maybe a line I shouldn't cross
But its eating inside of me
Can I take the loss?
I enjoy the conversation
The mental stimulation
I just wonder could it be
Could there be interest in me?
I doubt I'm the type
Probably out of my reach
Maybe I should leave it alone
May not be for me
But isn't it nothing ventured
Nothing gained?
But can I take the loss
Can I handle that pain?
Its tearing me up inside
But I must make the right move
Have to time it right
So much I could lose
But maybe I should just
Put this whole idea away
Keep it the way it is
Let it remain this way
Poem; Scream
Scream
My soul screams at the pain you caused
It shouts with the scar you gave it
The agony it feels
Your the cause
My emotions are fucked
They yell to be free
But must remain in check
I don't think I can handle them
My mind screams
As it is confused
As to what the fuck is going on
It can't make sense of this
My heart is heavy
With the pain it feels
It cries out loudly
Not understanding why
Every part of me feels the void
The emptiness, the screams to be filled
You caused this, you created the hole
I cannot accept you, that hurts too much
The screams of my soul
Everyday and every night I hear them
Over time it will stop, it will heal
But now it just hurts so bad
My soul screams at the pain you caused
It shouts with the scar you gave it
The agony it feels
Your the cause
My emotions are fucked
They yell to be free
But must remain in check
I don't think I can handle them
My mind screams
As it is confused
As to what the fuck is going on
It can't make sense of this
My heart is heavy
With the pain it feels
It cries out loudly
Not understanding why
Every part of me feels the void
The emptiness, the screams to be filled
You caused this, you created the hole
I cannot accept you, that hurts too much
The screams of my soul
Everyday and every night I hear them
Over time it will stop, it will heal
But now it just hurts so bad
Poem: Grey Matter
Grey Matter
A bullet in the brain
Would surely stop the pain
The emptiness within me
The loneliness around me
I feel so alone and lost
Bored, nothing entertaining at any cost
Just want to splatter
My grey matter
Maybe someone could read the mess
Take a look and guess
What was on his mind?
Ah yes, suicide
Not looking for sympathy
Just a way to end it quickly
No fire, drowning or pills
Just a gun, a quick kill
Do it in public pull the trigger
Would be cool I figure
Watch people scatter
As I release my grey matter
If only I could
I surely would
Head in tatters
Release my grey matter
Ah the sweet release
A bullet in the brain
Would surely stop the pain
The emptiness within me
The loneliness around me
I feel so alone and lost
Bored, nothing entertaining at any cost
Just want to splatter
My grey matter
Maybe someone could read the mess
Take a look and guess
What was on his mind?
Ah yes, suicide
Not looking for sympathy
Just a way to end it quickly
No fire, drowning or pills
Just a gun, a quick kill
Do it in public pull the trigger
Would be cool I figure
Watch people scatter
As I release my grey matter
If only I could
I surely would
Head in tatters
Release my grey matter
Ah the sweet release
Poem: No, Yes, No
No, Yes, No
You ask can I forgive, yes
But I cannot forget
You ask can we repair, no
The damage is too great
You ask is there a chance, no
I'm ready to move on
You ask do I hurt, yes
Every fucking day
Were you looking for something, no
Just something to try
Your sorry, no
Your sorry you got caught
You ask will I touch you, no
The pain is too great
You ask will I love you, yes
Always in the past, not in the future
You ask me why
I ask you why
Neither answer makes the other happy
Not the answer we want to hear, no
You ask can I forgive, yes
But I cannot forget
You ask can we repair, no
The damage is too great
You ask is there a chance, no
I'm ready to move on
You ask do I hurt, yes
Every fucking day
Were you looking for something, no
Just something to try
Your sorry, no
Your sorry you got caught
You ask will I touch you, no
The pain is too great
You ask will I love you, yes
Always in the past, not in the future
You ask me why
I ask you why
Neither answer makes the other happy
Not the answer we want to hear, no
Poem: Your Affair
Your Affair
I ask myself why, I don't understand
I know its wrong, so so wrong
But I can't help it, I long for you
Even though you'll never truly be mine
The time we spend together will only
Remind me of that when we're apart
I can't fall into deep, that's not allowed
This is just a fun for both of us
But at some point, one of us will be hurt
And then that will start the fall
The relationship will crumble
One of us wants more, but cant have it
The times will be great but eventually
All things must end. As they must
And we will just be a memory for both
The goal not to leave too damaged
I ask myself why, I don't understand
I know its wrong, so so wrong
But I can't help it, I long for you
Even though you'll never truly be mine
The time we spend together will only
Remind me of that when we're apart
I can't fall into deep, that's not allowed
This is just a fun for both of us
But at some point, one of us will be hurt
And then that will start the fall
The relationship will crumble
One of us wants more, but cant have it
The times will be great but eventually
All things must end. As they must
And we will just be a memory for both
The goal not to leave too damaged
Poem: Side Dish
Side Dish
New, different, not the same
I know that's all I am to you
I am a side dish to the main course
I'm the treat you indulge whenever
I know the rules, I know the score
I'm not a fool, I knew what I got into
I can't blame you, I could say no
But my loneliness tells me otherwise
This is your game, I'm just a player
I'm going along for the ride
But eventually my newness will fade
And this toy will be discarded
Someone will get hurt, probably me
I'm the damaged one, you have stability
Something with you I cannot have
I would never demand it, cant
So I ride, knowing where it goes
To an eventual end and pain
But I can't say no, I have to try
But always being the side dish
New, different, not the same
I know that's all I am to you
I am a side dish to the main course
I'm the treat you indulge whenever
I know the rules, I know the score
I'm not a fool, I knew what I got into
I can't blame you, I could say no
But my loneliness tells me otherwise
This is your game, I'm just a player
I'm going along for the ride
But eventually my newness will fade
And this toy will be discarded
Someone will get hurt, probably me
I'm the damaged one, you have stability
Something with you I cannot have
I would never demand it, cant
So I ride, knowing where it goes
To an eventual end and pain
But I can't say no, I have to try
But always being the side dish
Poem: Cover Up
Cover Up
On the outside I appear strong
But there are times when I cry
I'm like anybody else
I hurt, I have emotions
But I have to keep them in check
I have responsibilities
I have obligations to keep
I cannot breakdown
I have to do that when I'm alone
When nobody's around
That's when and only then
I can let my guard down
I do hurt, don't think I don't
I feel it everyday in this lonely house
The walls closing in on me
The silence reminds me I'm alone
I sit there trying to break
This depression I'm in
It will take time, a lot of time
And every now and then I still cry
On the outside I appear strong
But there are times when I cry
I'm like anybody else
I hurt, I have emotions
But I have to keep them in check
I have responsibilities
I have obligations to keep
I cannot breakdown
I have to do that when I'm alone
When nobody's around
That's when and only then
I can let my guard down
I do hurt, don't think I don't
I feel it everyday in this lonely house
The walls closing in on me
The silence reminds me I'm alone
I sit there trying to break
This depression I'm in
It will take time, a lot of time
And every now and then I still cry
Poem: Fracture
Fracture
My soul is alone again
Just it and me together
Another fracture in the construct
Another piece to repair
This time it will
Take longer to fix
The fracture is deep
Close to the core
But time and will power
Will help the new foundation
But still my soul will never
Be 100%, never like new
My mind will cope with
The fracture in my psyche
I will trust again
But always keep an open eye
The fracture in my heart
Pains the most
In time I will be able to
Again give it to another
But nothing will happen
Until I close the fractures
The fractures you give me
Your parting gift
I don't hate, but I should
I just want it to end
Want to move on
Me and my fractured soul
My soul is alone again
Just it and me together
Another fracture in the construct
Another piece to repair
This time it will
Take longer to fix
The fracture is deep
Close to the core
But time and will power
Will help the new foundation
But still my soul will never
Be 100%, never like new
My mind will cope with
The fracture in my psyche
I will trust again
But always keep an open eye
The fracture in my heart
Pains the most
In time I will be able to
Again give it to another
But nothing will happen
Until I close the fractures
The fractures you give me
Your parting gift
I don't hate, but I should
I just want it to end
Want to move on
Me and my fractured soul
Poem: Her Whisper
Her Whisper
I feel the darkness closing in
The loneliness creeping from behind
I hear her whisper, a chill in the air
I feel her fingers touch my mind
She comes when I'm like this
Alone and by myself
I try to fight it
Sometimes there's nothing else
I feel her seeping into my pores
Intoxicating my thoughts and dreams
I've been with her before
Its like I never left, forever it seems
She with her dress as black as night
And her wild hair blowing in the breeze
She wants me to kiss her
As I fight her I fall to me knees
Instead she comes to me
She pulls me close
I try to turn away
But I can't, I can't let go
I cry in her embrace
She slowly fills the hole
I know this is only temporary
Until I fix my soul
I stay within her embrace
I let her comfort me for awhile
To regain my strength
To heal myself
I feel the darkness closing in
The loneliness creeping from behind
I hear her whisper, a chill in the air
I feel her fingers touch my mind
She comes when I'm like this
Alone and by myself
I try to fight it
Sometimes there's nothing else
I feel her seeping into my pores
Intoxicating my thoughts and dreams
I've been with her before
Its like I never left, forever it seems
She with her dress as black as night
And her wild hair blowing in the breeze
She wants me to kiss her
As I fight her I fall to me knees
Instead she comes to me
She pulls me close
I try to turn away
But I can't, I can't let go
I cry in her embrace
She slowly fills the hole
I know this is only temporary
Until I fix my soul
I stay within her embrace
I let her comfort me for awhile
To regain my strength
To heal myself
Poem: Empty
Empty
I can feel my heart begin to freeze
I'm so lonely I can't stand it
Too quiet when I come home
I'm slowly going crazy within myself
I need to feel a touch
I need to hear a voice, not just mine
I finally realize I hurt
I hurt so bad, I just need to cry
I hate you more than you know
You ripped me apart inside
I'm torn and worn from you
You are the reason for this pain
I hate this place
Too empty for my soul
I just wanna curl up and cry
But what will it solve
I could take you back
But that would hurt even more
I scream when I'm alone
Which is almost always
I can feel my heart begin to freeze
I'm so lonely I can't stand it
Too quiet when I come home
I'm slowly going crazy within myself
I need to feel a touch
I need to hear a voice, not just mine
I finally realize I hurt
I hurt so bad, I just need to cry
I hate you more than you know
You ripped me apart inside
I'm torn and worn from you
You are the reason for this pain
I hate this place
Too empty for my soul
I just wanna curl up and cry
But what will it solve
I could take you back
But that would hurt even more
I scream when I'm alone
Which is almost always
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Poem: Damaged
Damaged
Everyone has been damaged
Through actions of another
Because of life
Because of a lover
We all have scars
They just can't be seen
Reminders of pain to us
Nightmares to our dreams
We all have baggage
From years of strife
The goal is to not acquire
Too much to carry thru life
We all have done things
We're not proud to tell
And we all have
Numerous regrets as well
We all come damaged
None of us come new
Some just hide it better
On some it shows thru
All of us are used goods
All are second hand merchandise
We get recycled over
We get repackaged and re priced
Before you point too anothers
Look at the damages of your own
You just might find
They're not the only one...
Damaged
Everyone has been damaged
Through actions of another
Because of life
Because of a lover
We all have scars
They just can't be seen
Reminders of pain to us
Nightmares to our dreams
We all have baggage
From years of strife
The goal is to not acquire
Too much to carry thru life
We all have done things
We're not proud to tell
And we all have
Numerous regrets as well
We all come damaged
None of us come new
Some just hide it better
On some it shows thru
All of us are used goods
All are second hand merchandise
We get recycled over
We get repackaged and re priced
Before you point too anothers
Look at the damages of your own
You just might find
They're not the only one...
Damaged
Poem: Shadow Walk
Shadow Walk
Shroud myself in darkness
Bring the light away
Heal my wounds
Hide in the corner
Numbing to the pain
Eyes dry from the tears
Fists clenched in anger
Must release it, let it flow
Hide in the shadows
Let them receive me again
Let the black waters cleanse my soul
Close the wounds, stop the pain
My heart becomes black
My emotions close off
My eyes become cold
I store it away, where I store all my pain
Walk in the shadows
The despair washes away
Fills the void, takes hold
Caresses my soul, I smile too the touch
Shroud myself in darkness
Bring the light away
Heal my wounds
Hide in the corner
Numbing to the pain
Eyes dry from the tears
Fists clenched in anger
Must release it, let it flow
Hide in the shadows
Let them receive me again
Let the black waters cleanse my soul
Close the wounds, stop the pain
My heart becomes black
My emotions close off
My eyes become cold
I store it away, where I store all my pain
Walk in the shadows
The despair washes away
Fills the void, takes hold
Caresses my soul, I smile too the touch
Poem: Free
Free
He's been waiting
Looking for a crack in the wall
You just gave him his release
The beast is unleashed
Time to uncork the bottle
Let this horse run
See what trouble I can cause
See what I truly want
Maybe I should thank you
You made me see things with clarity
The veil has been removed
I feel I can find my path
Another scar, another battle wound
Nothing new in a long line of disappointments
Time to break my shell
Time to raise some hell
He's been waiting
Looking for a crack in the wall
You just gave him his release
The beast is unleashed
Time to uncork the bottle
Let this horse run
See what trouble I can cause
See what I truly want
Maybe I should thank you
You made me see things with clarity
The veil has been removed
I feel I can find my path
Another scar, another battle wound
Nothing new in a long line of disappointments
Time to break my shell
Time to raise some hell
Poem: Dream of...
Dream of...
Sedate me, put me under
Stop the dream flow
Wipe my mind blank
Let the nothing rush over me
Start the I.V.
Drugs run to my veins
I succomb
Coarsing thru me
Anything to stop the pain
Distort reality
Just some relief
If only for awhile
Shut my eyes
Still there
Need something to dull
Something to shut it out
Sedate me
Medicate me
Placate me
Inject away the pain
Looking for peace
Real or concocted
Liquid or pill
Bottle or needle
I'm not hard to please
Give it to me
Let the pain flow awayDream of...
Sedate me, put me under
Stop the dream flow
Wipe my mind blank
Let the nothing rush over me
Start the I.V.
Drugs run to my veins
I succomb
Coarsing thru me
Anything to stop the pain
Distort reality
Just some relief
If only for awhile
Shut my eyes
Still there
Need something to dull
Something to shut it out
Sedate me
Medicate me
Placate me
Inject away the pain
Looking for peace
Real or concocted
Liquid or pill
Bottle or needle
I'm not hard to please
Give it to me
Let the pain flow awayDream of...
Poem: 4:30 in the Morning
4:30 in the Morning
4:30 in the morning
No one to call my own
I keep waking up
Not use to being alone
I look at the clock
Time staring me in the face
I rollover the beds empty
But that wasn't always the case
4:45 in the morning
Another 15 minutes have passed
Things weigh heavy on my mind
I have to handle so many tasks
I have to move forward
Soon cut all ties
Get on with my life
Let this bird fly
5:00 in the morning
I really need to go back to sleep
But its hard sometimes
When my emotions begin to creep
Sadness strikes me
And loneliness swirls around
I just lay there remembering
How everything went down
5:15 in the morning
I really need to stop watching the clock
Close my eyes, go to sleep
But the thoughts won't stop
Questions so many
Answers so few
I need to let it go
But analyzing is all I now how to do
5:30 in the morning
I'm starting to drift into a dream
My eyes are heavy
I can feel the sands of sleep
I'm falling into slumber
As I look at the clock
Its 6:00 in the morning
And the damn thing just went off
4:30 in the morning
No one to call my own
I keep waking up
Not use to being alone
I look at the clock
Time staring me in the face
I rollover the beds empty
But that wasn't always the case
4:45 in the morning
Another 15 minutes have passed
Things weigh heavy on my mind
I have to handle so many tasks
I have to move forward
Soon cut all ties
Get on with my life
Let this bird fly
5:00 in the morning
I really need to go back to sleep
But its hard sometimes
When my emotions begin to creep
Sadness strikes me
And loneliness swirls around
I just lay there remembering
How everything went down
5:15 in the morning
I really need to stop watching the clock
Close my eyes, go to sleep
But the thoughts won't stop
Questions so many
Answers so few
I need to let it go
But analyzing is all I now how to do
5:30 in the morning
I'm starting to drift into a dream
My eyes are heavy
I can feel the sands of sleep
I'm falling into slumber
As I look at the clock
Its 6:00 in the morning
And the damn thing just went off
Poem: Complicated
Complicated
Here I am
I do not pretend to be
Any other thing
Than a man
I am not perfect
I have my flaws
I admit them
And yes, as a man, I am that simple
I like my "toys" and gadgets
And yes I can act immature
But at the end of the day
I can still be loyal
I admit women are complicated
They're like a puzzle
We try to get the pieces to fit
Sometimes it confuses us
Your emotions sometimes
Shock us as they come so fast
And a women can destroy a mans pride
With words alone
We are intrigued but yet
Still confused
Sometimes it would be easier
To just tell us what you want
At times your sweet
As the sweetest candy
Other times your venom
Stings without warning
But yet we come back
Because of instinct
Because we knowNo other way
Here I am
I do not pretend to be
Any other thing
Than a man
I am not perfect
I have my flaws
I admit them
And yes, as a man, I am that simple
I like my "toys" and gadgets
And yes I can act immature
But at the end of the day
I can still be loyal
I admit women are complicated
They're like a puzzle
We try to get the pieces to fit
Sometimes it confuses us
Your emotions sometimes
Shock us as they come so fast
And a women can destroy a mans pride
With words alone
We are intrigued but yet
Still confused
Sometimes it would be easier
To just tell us what you want
At times your sweet
As the sweetest candy
Other times your venom
Stings without warning
But yet we come back
Because of instinct
Because we knowNo other way
Poem: A Dark Room and a Fifth
A Dark Room and a Fifth
A dark room
And a fifth
All I need
To cope with the pain
Let the tears flow
Dull the senses
Slur my thoughts
Pass out and dream again
Scream at the world
Scream at myself
Throw the bottle to the wall
Teary eyes look at the broken glass
Vent my frustrations
Drown the pain
Let the alcohol flow
Stumble on my ass
A dark room
And a fifth
Liquid pain relief
To drown my sorrows
The pain stops
If only for tonight
But I knowI'll pay for it tomorrow
A dark room
And a fifth
All I need
To cope with the pain
Let the tears flow
Dull the senses
Slur my thoughts
Pass out and dream again
Scream at the world
Scream at myself
Throw the bottle to the wall
Teary eyes look at the broken glass
Vent my frustrations
Drown the pain
Let the alcohol flow
Stumble on my ass
A dark room
And a fifth
Liquid pain relief
To drown my sorrows
The pain stops
If only for tonight
But I knowI'll pay for it tomorrow
Poem: Living in Oblivion
Living in Oblivion
Numb me up
Stop the pain
Reality hurts
Bring the rain
Drug me, drink it up
I wanna be oblivious
The hole in my soul
Being tough is so frivolous
Medicate me until it stops
I wanna smile while I bleed
Stop the emotions from hurting
I don't want to believe
Infuse me with a prescription
Prescribe away the pain
Join the other cattle
I'll smile as you complain
As my world crumbles
I dance like a fool
The drugs are working
I just sit and drool
Not a care in the world
I'm numb as I cut my skin
Pop another pill
Living in oblivion
Numb me up
Stop the pain
Reality hurts
Bring the rain
Drug me, drink it up
I wanna be oblivious
The hole in my soul
Being tough is so frivolous
Medicate me until it stops
I wanna smile while I bleed
Stop the emotions from hurting
I don't want to believe
Infuse me with a prescription
Prescribe away the pain
Join the other cattle
I'll smile as you complain
As my world crumbles
I dance like a fool
The drugs are working
I just sit and drool
Not a care in the world
I'm numb as I cut my skin
Pop another pill
Living in oblivion
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