Another shot of medication. I can feel the sedation. Slowly drifting away. Maybe another day.

Barrel in my mouth. Can I pull the trigger? Is this what its all about? Could be I figure

Blood mess all on the walls. Brains scattered. Just couldn't handle it all. Does it, do I really matter?

Sometimes I can push it aside. Other times I simple feel like suicide. Bullet in the head. Gun falls, I drop dead.

The sheer stupidity of the general public actually has me frightened. Have we, as a nation becaome this dumb?

How many of us have truly asked yourselves why we do the things we do? Why sometimes we can't stop the habits we have? The self destructive nature we all have

How many of us try to attain things that we have no business stretching our limits to get. Going beyond our means.

Sometimes we need to remove the masks that we wear and expose our true selves.

I count the days

Grey Matter Collection

This completes a series of poems I have collectively titled Grey Matter. I hope you have enjoyed reading them as much as I have had writing them. I am starting a new series entitled Vyctor Rising. I hope you will enjoy those also. Thanks for reading! Peace and be wild!

Poem:Will Not

Will Not

I can hear the silence
Being alone at home
Today is not a good day
This one really seems to hurt
More than the last

Sometimes I just can't keep my mind
Off the things I lost
No contact, no touch, no attention
No conversation, silence
Sometimes wanna cry

Put on the strong face
Keep it inside
Hide from view of others
But the pain is still there
God it hurts

To go to absolutely nothing
Is like going cold turkey
A total loss of stimulation
All alone, by myself
Sometimes it gets rough

Empty house, empty heart
I'm hurt and it will take
Someone brave to deal with me
Trust will not be given freely
I know I'm damaged goods

I wanna give all that I am
But respected and loved
There's no way I'll play the fool
I stand as me nothing more or less
I will not change for anyone

Poem:Void

Void

I open my eyes
Another day alone
Another day to wander
Walk these streets

I feel the presence
I feel it deep inside
I fight it, but I can't smile
Its coming, the dark

The absence of love
The beginning of it all
The end of us
I will not fall

I'll stumble
There will be dark days
But there's tomorrow
Maybe it'll be better

Alone again
Like I always am
Searching within myself
Wondering who can fill the void

Poem:Dark Clouds

Dark Clouds

I feel the rain hit against my soul
Drenched, it stands alone
I try to escape the dark clouds
That follow and cover me

Every time this happens
The clouds they come
Within me the storm rages
I cannot sway, the winds blow

The dark clouds tumbling
Within my soul
I can't hide from them
They are within me, can't run

The clouds swirl in my mind
My soul gets swept in the pain
Like a hurricane thru my heart
Blowing me to pieces

Poem:Sea of Questions

Sea of Questions

Looking for answers
In a sea of questions
When I do find one
It always seems to be wrong

Sometimes an answer
Leads to another question
A question unto which
I must search for the answer

Hope keeps me a float
As I try to guide these waters
But the voyage is rough
And the water is deep

But I must find the answers
Hidden within the questions
I fish for the knowledge
That helps heal my soul

Must make sure to
Not let any slip thru my hands
Explore them all
Find the best for me

Poem:Qualities

Qualities

I'm not looking for one nite stands
That's never been my style
I need more than that
I need substance

I have to feel something
I have to enjoy the others company
I want to know them
I want a connection

Good conversation
Independence, and self confidence
These I find attractive
Stimulating, speaks her mind

A woman who knows herself
And is comfortable with her being
I love myself so she must love herself
She must be able to laugh at herself
As I laugh at me

But she must have my back
As I must have hers
And be willing to correct me
When I'm wrong, Lord knows

But overall she must
Accept me for who I am
And take me as I am
I will not try to change her
And she will not try to change me

Poem:Just Leave Me Be

Just Leave Me Be

So I ask myself why
What the fuck crossed your mind?
Did you think I wouldn't know?
Too many clues left behind

Did you think of me
When he was deep inside?
When he was tagging that ass
Did I cross your mind?

There's no fucking way
I don't need you in my life
Quit calling, quit texting
Soon you will not be my wife

It pains me to go
But I need to be alone
I'm ready, your not
But I have moved on

Just a matter of time
Sign the dotted line
We release each other
No longer see one another

Maybe find someone
Who loves "me"
Doesn't want to make changes
Just leave me be

Poem:I am Me

I am Me

I'm alone. By myself
I can feel it closing in
I must do something
Something to distract me

I don't want to bother friends
But I need someone
Someone to accept me
Accept me as I am, the real person

Not try to change me
Leave me as I am
Love me as I am
But I'm a hard person to love

I am difficult at times
But still I have an inner child
I stand my ground
But will listen

I want acceptance
I want to accept
I will not change
Don't expect me too

I am me

Poem:Emotions

Emotions

The void left in my soul
Is your doing, you cut me deep
I have nothing to fill the hole
On the inside I begin to weep

I must hide the pain
Be strong and show a smile
But I feel the rain
To heal it will take awhile

Off I can turn my emotions
But I know they're still there
Soon like the crest of the ocean
They will leave my soul bare

At some point they will come thru
Breaking down the walls
Accept the pain for it is true
If not, at my soul it will surely maul

Maybe I should just breakdown and cry
Let the feelings run wild
The let the anger go and the rage fly
Acknowledge the pain for awhile

Poem:Rested Soul

Rested Soul

Shroud me in darkness
Let me drown within my depression
I drink the loneliness in my cup
It courses thru me

The thoughts I have
Many would not understand
Swirling inside of me
A hurricane within my soul

Feels like 2 people fighting for control
Sometimes I win sometimes I lose
Sometimes I just want to scream
Let the anger out and the depression in

Its in my veins
Its in my heart
Maybe the pills will work
Maybe I'll taste a rested soul

Poem:Temple

Temple

With a gun to my temple
I could pull the trigger
Find the release I want
End it all for good

So tired, my souls tired
Just want peace
But will never find it
Nothing keeps my attention

Bullet ripping thru my hemispheres
Stopping the flow
The life slowly leaks out
The peace would come

Straight thru the temple
Hole in my head
The pressure would go away
Like a balloon deflating

Just one shot
No, make that a double
I can see the release
I escape thru my temple