POEM: COVER UP

On the outside I appear strong
But there are times when I cry
I'm like anybody else
I hurt, I have emotions

But I have to keep them in check
I have responsibilities
I have obligations to keep
I cannot breakdown

I have to do that when I'm alone
When nobody's around
That's when and only then
I can let my guard down

I do hurt, don't think I don't
I feel it everyday in this lonely house
The walls closing in on me
The silence reminds me I'm alone

I sit there trying to break
This depression I'm in
It will take time, a lot of time
And every now and then I still cry

POEM: COMPLICATED

Here I am
I do not pretend to be
Any other thing
Than a man

I am not perfect
I have my flaws
I admit them
And yes, as a man, I am that simple

I like my "toys" and gadgets
And yes I can act immature
But at the end of the day
I can still be loyal

I admit women are complicated
They're like a puzzle
We try to get the pieces to fit
Sometimes it confuses us

Your emotions sometimes
Shock us as they come so fast
And a women can destroy a mans pride
With words alone

We are intrigued but yet
Still confused
Sometimes it would be easier
To just tell us what you want

At times your sweet
As the sweetest candy
Other times your venom
Stings without warning

But yet we come back
Because of instinct
Because we know
No other way

POEM: DREAM OF...

Sedate me, put me under
Stop the dream flow
Wipe my mind blank
Let the nothing rush over me

Start the I.V.
Drugs run to my veins
I succomb
Coarsing thru me

Anything to stop the pain
Distort reality
Just some relief
If only for awhile

Shut my eyes
Still there
Need something to dull
Something to shut it out

Sedate me
Medicate me
Placate me
Inject away the pain

Looking for peace
Real or concocted
Liquid or pill
Bottle or needle

I'm not hard to please
Give it to me
Let the pain flow away
Dream of...

POEM: DAY DREAM

I wanna be somebody's somebody
I wanna be loved for me
I need mental stimulation
Along with the physical relation

A woman who can stand on her own
But knows I got her back if she falls
Willing to tell me when I'm wrong
But still loves me all along

She needs to have her own thoughts
And willing to give her opinion
But still be my fire
And I her desire

Someone to just chill with
Someone to cook for
Being there when times are rough
Being there when the going gets tough

A woman who can keep me humble
But still respects me as I her
A lady who I can get lost in her eyes
And kiss for hours and never realize

The scent of her skin drives me wild
The notion of my touch makes her smile
I enjoy the smell of her hair
Someone who wants me near

POEM: QUALITIES

I'm not looking for one nite stands
That's never been my style
I need more than that
I need substance

I have to feel something
I have to enjoy the others company
I want to know them
I want a connection

Good conversation
Independence, and self confidence
These I find attractive
Stimulating, speaks her mind

A woman who knows herself
And is comfortable with her being
I love myself so she must love herself
She must be able to laugh at herself
As I laugh at me

But she must have my back
As I must have hers
And be willing to correct me
When I'm wrong, Lord knows

But overall she must
Accept me for who I am
And take me as I am
I will not try to change her
And she will not try to change me

POEM: DAMAGED

Everyone has been damaged
Through actions of another
Because of life
Because of a lover

We all have scars
They just can't be seen
Reminders of pain to us
Nightmares to our dreams

We all have baggage
From years of strife
The goal is to not acquire
Too much to carry thru life

We all have done things
We're not proud to tell
And we all have
Numerous regrets as well

We all come damaged
None of us come new
Some just hide it better
On some it shows thru

All of us are used goods
All are second hand merchandise
We get recycled over
We get repackaged and re priced

Before you point too anothers
Look at the damages of your own
You just might find
They're not the only one...

Damaged

POEM: EMOTIONS

The void left in my soul
Is your doing, you cut me deep
I have nothing to fill the hole
On the inside I begin to weep

I must hide the pain
Be strong and show a smile
But I feel the rain
To heal it will take awhile

Off I can turn my emotions
But I know they're still there
Soon like the crest of the ocean
They will leave my soul bare

At some point they will come thru
Breaking down the walls
Accept the pain for it is true
If not, at my soul it will surely maul

Maybe I should just breakdown and cry
Let the feelings run wild
The let the anger go and the rage fly
Acknowledge the pain for awhile

POEM: LIVING IN OBLIVION

Numb me up
Stop the pain
Reality hurts
Bring the rain

Drug me, drink it up
I wanna be oblivious
The hole in my soul
Being tough is so frivolous

Medicate me until it stops
I wanna smile while I bleed
Stop the emotions from hurting
I don't want to believe

Infuse me with a prescription
Prescribe away the pain
Join the other cattle
I'll smile as you complain

As my world crumbles
I dance like a fool
The drugs are working
I just sit and drool

Not a care in the world
I'm numb as I cut my skin
Pop another pill
Living in oblivion

POEM: SWAGGER

They can see it in my eyes
See it in my actions
The fire is but an ember
The swagger is gone

The confidence has escaped me
Has flowed from my pores
Once stood tall
Now fall defeated

The aura I once presented
Has now dimmed
As I try to find it
I know its slipping away

Stripped of it
Feeling naked without it
Swagger no longer there
Must find it

Need to regain
Must have it to move forward
Must find a way
Must find my swagger

POEM: JIGSAW

I have decided to close myself off
Take time away
To heal, to rest, to be with myself
To let the wounds close

I'm not ready for a relationship
I need to fix me first
Friends are nice, but they can't help
I must do this on my own

Sometimes I like being out of contact
No one to bother me
Sometimes wishing I could fall off the grid
Disappear altogether

And yes, boredom does visit me
But its what I deserve
Punishment for the things I have done
The silence my friend

Alone thinking, how
How to put myself back together
Gathering the pieces
Like a jigsaw puzzle

POEM: SKIN

Fingers ready
Need to break free
Flesh constraining me
I wanna peel it back

Rip my skin
Expose what's underneath
Pull back the layers
Let the inner scream out

Nails digging deep
The blood flows
Its a sweet release
The pressure flowing out

Sick of hiding
Behind this false face
Clawing away the skin
Shed this suit

Leave the skin behind
Along with the baggage attached to it
Set myself free, release myself
Let it fall away, and start anew

POEM: PRAY FOR HELP

Weighted down
By things that I let spin
Could not control my soul
The cry for freedom went wrong

Now I am paying the price
I must come to grips
That I am responsible
No one to blame

Hindsight too late
I must move forward
Pray and hope
Things will get better

I stand damaged
Slowly putting myself back together
Piece by piece
I look for help, divine intervention

I need to stay strong
But its hard
My strength slipping away
I pray for help

POEM: DARK CARESS

I long for her
I need to feel her embrace
I want her chilling touch
I need to fall into the darkness

Enveloped in her gown
Let her protect me
Lady darkness
I await for thee

The cold embrace
And the paralyzing kiss
Wrap me within you
Hold me close

I need you
Now more than ever
I need your comfort
I need your bliss

I am alone
Come to me
Caress me
Let me fall into your slumber

POEM: GRIP

I sit in a darkened room
My thoughts swirl around me
Looking for answers
To questions that haunt me

I have fallen so far
Its hard to stay strong
I see no answers
I see no light

I need to reinvent myself
But don't know where to start
In this stage of my life how
What's the use

I feel like crying
But there are no more tears
I feel like dying
But don't have the energy for it

My spirit damaged
My soul is injured
I need to find a way back
I just need to gain solid ground

Time is my friend
And enemy with this
I don't how much longer
I can stay strong, my grip loosening

POEM: HERE COMES THE RAIN

I can smell it in the air
I feel her winds blowing
The leaves start to move
The rain is coming

The drops hit my soul
The cleansing to begin
She washes over me
I stand with arms open wide

I am wet within her embrace
As her kisses rinse me
The blue pools in her eyes
I swirl down into them

Like a tsunami crashing into me
Her waves pull me under
She surrounds me within her
Feels good to bathe

The clouds moving in faster
The rain begins to fall harder
I feel her every drop
My soul a wash within her

POEM: DREAM FACTORY

Another prescription
Just another pill
One more drug
To fill in the void

Tripping in the dream factory
With a prescribed smile
Numb to the pain
Drug induced happiness

A day without the drug
A day with the pain
Reality sets in
Something I don't need

Another tablet cocktail
To wash away the pain
Slip into the dream factory
Hide behind the illusion

Induced happiness
Wearing a fake smile
Time for another pill
Keep reality in check

POEM: HUMAN TOUCH

I am alone
I feel the emptiness in my bed
I feel the silence in my house
The lacking of human touch

I can sit and the silence deafens me
Just myself, that's all there is
A hug, a kiss would be nice
But now that just can't be

I need to find myself
Discover who I am
Before I can reach out to another
I need to know my needs

I wanna be loved for who I am
I don't wanna be something I'm not
But who am I?
And what do I want from a relationship?

The time is growing near
I will need a humans touch
Need to feel wanted
Need to feel loved

Search within myself
And search for the one I need
Not perfection, just somebody to love
And somebody who loves me